Click to enlarge pictureFuzzy dice hanging from rear view mirror (© Angelo Cavalli/Corbis)

While fuzzy dice and lambskin seat covers might have seemed cool back in the day, they just didn’t stand the test of time for good taste.

There is a subtle but important difference between fashion and a fad. Fashion is the inevitable evolution and refreshment of taste and style in everything from clothing to automobiles, which keeps those things from getting tiresome and stale. Fashion drives innovation for the sake of innovation, and it is generally considered a good thing. On the other hand, fads such as fuzzy dice are as ephemeral and unpredictable as fashion, but in the end are just plain silly.

With the benefit of hindsight, it’s generally pretty easy to recognize a fad, but for each of the designs, technologies or accessories below, there was a window in time and an enthusiastic audience that aligned perfectly to turn a dumb, pointless concept into an embarrassing reality. Sam Livingston, of Car Design Research, has seen plenty of fads come and go and even feels a bit nostalgic for some of them. “Remember, the ambitions behind most of these things were quite noble, I’m sure,” he says. “All of these things probably seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Any list of the worst of anything is guaranteed to elicit some defensive feedback. So let's pre-empt that right now by saying that if you owned any of the automobiles or accessories on this list, we’re not judging you as a person — we’re judging your car. And whether you knew it or not at the time, people were probably judging your car for all the years you owned it. So a little poke to the soft spot you may have had in your heart for that vehicle might sting a bit, but somebody had to tell you — eventually.

Vinyl/Landau Roof

Click to enlarge pictureCadillac Eldorado with landau top (© General Motors)

If you wanted your car to look like a drop-top without any of the benefits, the landau was perfect for you.

Quick quiz: What has all of the problems of a convertible top (tearing, weathering), with none of the  pleasures (driving with a top that actually opens, for instance). It’s the vinyl, aka “landau,” top. Although term “landau top” is often used as a catchall term for the multiple variations of the vinyl top, fake-convertible connoisseurs know that true landau tops have landau bars on the C-pillar. These bars are a reference to the conventions of classic coach building — which probably made more sense back in the 1920s and ’30s, when landau cars were first introduced.

By the 1960s and ’70s, however, when the vinyl-top trend was at its height, it probably struck buyers as a hint of luxury on top of the often-brutish sheet metal of the era. Vinyl tops were offered by all three Detroit automakers at the time, on cars including the Cadillac Eldorado, Pontiac Firebird, even the Ford Pinto. And, as fads go, this one lasted quite a long time; the last factory landaus were offered in the 1990s. Now an enthusiast of the genre must appeal sheepishly to the aftermarket to get a roof that says “convertible” on the outside, fixed roof on the inside and cheesy all over.

Fake Wood Paneling

Click to enlarge picture1972 Ford LTD Country Squire (© Ford Motor Company)

Wood is not wood unless it comes from a tree. Faux-wood vinyl paneling is just plain cheesy.

Another famous vinyl product meant to simulate the craftsmanship of a bygone era, fake wood paneling began to pop up in the 1960s, draping the sides of luxury station wagons such as the Ford Country Squire. Like the famous woodies of the pre-1950s era (which were, of course, constructed of real wood), these cars showed off their elegantly grained vinyl timbers with pride. That is, until the panels peeled off to reveal the sheet metal beneath.

The siding itself didn’t generally last long, but America’s taste for the richness of faux wood endured well into the 1990s. That is, until the American station wagon was displaced by its brutish big brother, the SUV (more on that later).

Talking Cars

Click to enlarge picture1981 Datsun 810 Maxima (© Nissan North America)

While today’s voice recognition and response systems are much more evolved and useful than the one on this Datsun 810 Maxima, digital nannies of yesteryear were novelties that were more annoying than helpful.

Picture yourself back in 1982: You are taking your new high-tech Datsun 810 Maxima for a nighttime drive in the country. A Flock of Seagulls’ “I Ran” is playing on the radio. You are all alone in the cockpit — or so you think. When you come to a stop and turn off the ignition, a sultry female voice emanates from behind the dash: “Lights are on.” And so they are. You turn them off and say, “Thanks, baby.”

With a vocabulary of exactly six phrases, the 810 Maxima was the first true talking car, equipped with a digital nanny feature that would chastise you for forgetful behaviors, including not switching off your headlights or failing to buckle your seat belt. And like any true fad, the recordings that were etched into its phonograph-style cylinder swiftly went from way-cool tech to way annoying. But that didn’t stop the insufferable feature from finding its way into other vehicles such as the 1984 Dodge Daytona and Chrysler Laser.

And despite eventually becoming an ’80s punch line, cars that talk have once again resurfaced in the form of voice-prompt GPS navigation systems and Sync-style voice control systems. It seems that this time, however, they have something relevant to say.

Automatic Seat Belts

It’s hard to be too critical of the automatic seat belt. These mechanized devices meant well. And in the post-Nader era of the early 1980s, the chastened automotive industry was just trying to get drivers to actually use the most significant safety device invented in automotive history. There were two main flavors of the technology. A combination manual lap belt and automated shoulder belt was employed in vehicles such as the Toyota Cressida — the lap belt would clip on normally, and the shoulder belt would ride back along a track in the top of the door frame until it had draped its sash of safety across the driver and/or passenger. Another variant automated both lap and shoulder belts with a complicated arrangement that required occupants to slide under the belts for entry and exit.

Both arrangements had the incredibly annoying habit of knocking off eyeglasses or clotheslining anyone unaware enough to be leaning forward when the car was turned on. In the end, automatic seat belts often produced the opposite behavior from what was intended — people simply unhooked the manual release and went beltless.

In hindsight, what was the worst automotive faux pas or fad that you bought into?

Spinning Rims

Click to enlarge pictureEvulve Wheels Inc (© Robert J Pennington)

Spinners . . . really? They are annoying, expensive and tend to break.

Many of the fads in this article are long gone, but spinning rims (aka “spinners”) live on. Invented in the 1980s, these aftermarket goodies do exactly what their name implies, that is, the inner portion of the rim continues to spin on roller bearings after the wheels they are attached to have stopped. Equipping one’s car with a full set of spinners can cost thousands of dollars, making them an expensive yet essential element of the pimped ride so popular in the early part of this decade.

But guess what — it’s over. We realize that many of you are still sporting these rotating novelties, but you are riding on four shiny anachronisms that inspire new snickers from passers-by each day. Spinners are the ultimate one-trick pony. All they do is spin, and the forty-fifth time you see them, the joy is totally gone.