Spoiler alert: 2013 Super Bowl car commercials
Because you can't wait until Sunday, can you?
For many people, the Super Bowl commercials have become more entertaining than the Sunday game, and automakers have consistently dreamed up ridiculous TV spots to tingle the nation's largest broadcast audience. Last year, more than 111 million watched.
Even though the latest Super Bowl commercials average $4 million for 30 seconds -- an all-time record and nearly four times as expensive than 1995, when spots pushed $1 million for the first time -- advertisers get plenty of free air time when they post a video online. And because you're online right now looking at car commercials, they've got us all in their trap.
So, because this is something we must do -- for the sake of wasting time with funny and stupid Internet videos -- we've rounded up all the car commercials currently available online that you'll see Sunday. And maybe you'll also find time to watch the Baltimore Ravens play the San Franciscco 49ers in New Orleans.
Mercedes-Benz: Willem Dafoe will give you a new CLA sedan
Willem Dafoe plays the Devil (with very disgusting fingernails) as he persuades a 20- or 30-something single guy to hand over his soul for a new CLA sedan. In reality, the dream car in the ad is not under $30,000. It's not even close. But the Stones are playing the background track "Sympathy for the Devil," so it's worth a listen.
Volkswagen: The Jamaican office guy gets happy from a Beetle
For some reason, a New York Times writer said this ad was like "blackface with voices," implying that talking in a Jamaican accent meant VW was somehow racist. But that's The New York Times. Can't we just laugh for one minute?
Toyota: Kaley Cuoco is a RAV4 genie
We didn't recognize the name until her pretty face showed up granting wishes to a suburban family. She's better known as the attractive and overly accommodating neighbor of the nerds on "Big Bang Theory," but her genie skills are impressive here. One thing: who hated the external spare tire on the last RAV4? Well, thanks, because now it's gone for 2013.
Audi: Prom in an S6
In 10 out of 10 cases, handing a high school boy the keys to dad's 420-horsepower luxury car will end up with an insurance write-off and reconstructive surgery. But there's a twist to this clever ad.
Kia: Space babies somehow related to the new Sorento
Have we had enough computer-generated babies and animals? Kia thinks not. It's fun at the very end, particularly where it's sexually suggestive. Remember, a lot of men will be watching.
Hyundai: Passing awful vehicles in a Sonata Turbo
This one hits the nail on the head -- and why I'm compelled to speed past vehicles that appear unsafe on the highway.
Subaru: Dealership salesman for dogs
This is just a teaser that will be released Sunday. Subaru has long advertised its cars as dog-friendly, and this one will no doubt help the cause. As usual, cats are evil.
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