A Car-Guy's Bucket List

Most cars have windows, doors and a roof. This one does not. It is also missing a heater, any semblance of comfort, and sanity. The Ariel Atom is a lightweight track special built of steel tubes and not much else; it is the kind of thing you buy when you have everything. Its powertrains vary based on where it's sold and whether or not you want to use the car on public roads. But all of them offer Ferrari-like acceleration and go-kart handling. No other car is this insane.

View Slideshow:  Drive Like a Pro

There's a lot to be said for driving around on dry land. You don't get wet, for one thing. There's no risk of sinking, for another. But where's the fun in that? The Amphicar is the world's most common amphibious automobile, a machine that works as well in the water as it does on land. Amuse your friends. Scare the local fish. Whatever. But most of all, drive an Amphicar just once, so you can understand why no one ever needs a car that doubles as a boat. Roads are dry for a reason. Also, former President Lyndon Johnson drove one. Enough said.

Bing Images: Amphibious Cars

The original Mini was the template for the modern small car — fast, fun, frugal and only as large as it needed to be. But it also serves as a remarkable lesson in minimalism. Fat people fit in it. Tall people fit in it. The wheels are only 10 inches tall, but you can cruise down the highway at 80 mph in comfort. Capping it off, few small cars are as much of a hoot to drive. Nothing — new or old, fast or slow — feels like this. And more cars should.

Read:  Eclectic Autos That Defy Categories

The Corvette ZR1 is the single most insane mass-produced American car ever built. It makes 638 horsepower. It has a 100,000-mile powertrain warranty and a window cut into the hood so you can stare at the supercharger atop its 6.2-liter V8 engine. It is entirely too fast to fully exploit on the street, which means it is just fast enough to blow your mind. This is violence, pure and simple, and it somehow feels more brutal and untamed than its spec sheet would imply. Dollar for dollar, new cars get no more frightening than this.

View Slideshow:  The 600-Horsepower Club

The 2CV is France's Volkswagen Beetle — the cheap, durable post-World War II car that effectively put a nation on wheels. But that's not why it's on this list. We selected it because it drives like nothing else on the planet. With pencil-thin tires, comically soft springing (the body seemingly rolls up to 45 degrees in corners) and a twin-cylinder engine that puts out anywhere from 9 to 29 horsepower (early models were slower than walking), the 2CV is proof that slow doesn't have to mean boring.

Bing: History of the Citroen 2CV

We've picked the 458 as the token Ferrari on this list — you had to know there'd be a Ferrari — but it's really just a place holder. Any Ferrari will do. The cars from Maranello, Italy, offer a unique experience, a sensory overload not replicated in any other type of machine. They sound amazing. Even the tamest models feel like racing cars, and the racing cars feel like 4-wheeled sex. Every bit of the Ferrari stereotype is true — parts costs are astronomical, and the cars require maintenance every time you blink. But they are very, very worth it.

Watch Video:  Ferrari 458 Spider

This is it. This is the supercar among supercars, the last, best hope for automotive insanity. The Miura is known for a lot of things — fragility, speed, spontaneous combustion — but most of all, it's known for its gorgeous bodywork. Lamborghini's masterpiece might be the most attractive automobile ever built, and climbing behind the wheel of one is akin to sleeping with every gorgeous starlet who ever set foot in Hollywood. Rumor has it that Miuras aren't that great to drive (we haven't had the pleasure), but it doesn't matter. Beauty is its own reward.

Read: This Is Why You Buy a Lamborghini

Yes, that's a giant hot dog on wheels. No, you can't eat it. Yes, a handful of civilians — i.e., people who don't work for Oscar Mayer — have driven it, which means that you have a chance, however slim, to get behind the wheel. If you get that chance, take it. Do not look back. You are driving a hot dog the size of a city bus, and in that moment, you are one of the coolest people on the planet. Relish it. And while you're at it, use the opportunity to make extremely bad puns.

View Slideshow:  Fabulous Promotional Vehicles

The world's most famously backward sports car — engine in the rear, very little in the front — no longer requires explanation. Almost everyone knows what a 911 is, and if you don't know that, you at least know that it's a Porsche. This is the quintessential European speed machine, a delightfully different car that demands you pay attention behind the wheel. No other car is quite as entertaining or as involving as a good 911. Drive a healthy one, new or old, and you have a benchmark for how fast cars should feel.

Read:  2012 Porsche 911 Carrera: First Drive

Go ahead, laugh at the little air-cooled car that put Europe on wheels, the machine that invented the notion of the compact European automobile. If you've driven one, you know that it's not about the speed or the culture or even the bad jokes. It's about simplicity, about humility and paring down to less than you think you need. The Beetle will not excite you, at least not in the traditional manner, but you need to know. This is a good car, but it's also an incredible testament to how far we've come.

View Slideshow:  Cars for the Big & Tall

For more information on any vehicle in this slideshow, click the links below:

-Corvette ZR1
-Ferrari 458
-Porsche 911

Compare: All Available Vehicles

Sam Smith is a journalist, a Southerner, and a reformed Alfa Romeo mechanic who spends most of his time mooning over leaky old motorcycles and small-batch bourbon. A multiple International Automotive Media award-winner, he has covered cars for Automobile Magazine, Car and Driver, and Esquire, among other publications. He once drove 4000 miles in a weekend for a hamburger and has only been threatened by the German police twice.

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